CHAPTER ONE – ARABELLA 

I can’t breathe.

Icy water filled my lungs and my head pounded, the pain excruciating – before my body succumbed to the pressure.

I can’t breathe.

The waves raged above me as I was dragged deeper into the depth of the sea. I remembered flinging my arms, fighting against the waves, fighting to breathe but it was no use. My arms and legs were numb from the cold and all my ceaseless movement. 

Help me.

I saw the shimmer of the sunlight, rippling from the water above. Teasing me. Mocking me. Reminding me of how vulnerable and little I was in such a grande sphere of nothingness. 

My lungs burned from the saltwater and I clawed desperately at my chest. I didn’t want to die. Not here. Not now.

There was still so much… I wanted to do. 

I still needed to find him.

Help… me… please.

The waves rippled, and then I saw him. Swimming toward me. Reaching out to me, and I helplessly sobbed. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to reach me. He never could; he never did.

He reached out to me, and I lifted a heavy arm toward him.

Our fingers touched, a breathy caress…

And then I was grasping at nothing. 

The agony left me and I let myself sink to the bottomless pit; where death lurked in the corner. 

The shadow of him faded away and I was filled with utter soundlessness.

It was beautiful though. 

The silence…

Maybe that was why I was trapped in it. 

I woke up with a gasp, choking on my own saliva as I fought to breathe. 

I could almost taste the saltwater on my tongue, but I wasn’t drowning. I was nowhere near water; I was safe. In bed; in my shabby apartment. 

Safe.

Goddamn it. 

Drenched in cold sweat, I shoved the blanket off me and I got out of bed. I wasn’t dead. I didn’t die. Of course, I didn’t. It was just a stupid dream that had been haunting me since I was sixteen. 

I rubbed my chest, trying to alleviate the hammering ache. 

I never understood why it started. Those dreams of me drowning, but it began one random night and it stayed. A constant reminder of the unknown and it had instilled a fear inside me. 

A fear of water. Big bodies of water. 

I asked my mom once if I had drowned when I was younger. She had looked at me like I was crazy, so I figured out that answer was a big, fat no. 

I sprinkled cold water on my face and stared at my cracked mirror. God, this place was falling apart and it wasn’t like I could afford a better living condition.

This apartment was already a luxury for me. 

But I had an interview next week for an administrative assistant position. If I got this job, I’d finally be able to quit waitressing and babysitting. I’d be able to pay my rent on time and have enough money to spare for basic necessities, like food. 

After brushing my teeth, I walked into my small kitchen and took out the half package of cheese that was left in my refrigerator. It wasn’t like there was anything else for me to eat; except stale bread and cheese. 

That was my breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Sometimes, on a good day, I could have some leftover food from the restaurant when my boss wasn’t looking. But those were the lucky days, and unfortunately for me, I didn’t have a lot of those. 

Speaking of luck— 

I took a bite of the hard bread while scrolling through my phone. I wasn’t a firm believer of horoscopes, but you see, I was a curious person by nature. And I found astrology quite intriguing. 

Tapping on Taurus, I read my horoscope for the week. Someone you’ve known for a long time, but haven’t seen for a while could suddenly come back into the picture.

Wait a minute— 

What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

I was hoping for something like “Oh, you’re going to get the job, or maybe something good is going to happen to you this week” not this bullshit.

Well, that was a waste of time and a great way to ruin my morning. 

***

I locked the door behind me, barely sparing a glance at the boxes lined up in the hallway. Maybe my new neighbor was finally moving on? 

I hoped so because they had been renovating that place for a month now. Practically ruining the little sleep I could get when I wasn’t in the middle of my drowning nightmares. 

But maybe if I was exhausted enough today, I might crash and sleep through the night? After all, I was looking to work for fifteen hours. I picked up Lucia’s shift when she needed it covered last minute. 

Forget about my aching feet and sore body — the cash was more important. 

It took me a whole five minutes to start my junky car and when it did, my day couldn’t get any worse. 

I let out a small shriek when the speaker blasted on, on high volume, with my audiobook continuing from where I left off yesterday. “Do you hear how wet you are, Princess? Your cunt is made for me.” 

Nope. Nope. Not happening. 

I frantically tapped the off button, but the thing wouldn’t shut off. It was so loud, the whole neighborhood could hear about my fictional characters going to pound-town. 

“Made for my cock. So fucking beautiful. Need to feel your snug pussy squeezing—

The audiobook finally cut off when I banged my fist into the speaker. Hallelujah! Releasing a shaky breath and with my heart is my throat, I leaned back into the seat. 

I was crying invisible tears of relief. But even that didn’t last long. From the corner of my eye, I saw a shape frozen in her spot. An old grandma, who looked like she had one foot in the grave. I briefly recognized her; she lived in the same building as me. 

Granny looked absolutely scandalized and repulsed as she made the sign of the cross and mumbled something under her breath. 

“That wasn’t me,” I called out, practically hyperventilating. “It’s not what you think. Well, I mean that was my alter ego from last night. She was horny. No, I mean—

Shut up, Arabella. Shut your mouth. Stop talking.

“Actually you know what? There’s nothing shameful about sex. It’s our primal nature. Maybe you should read the book. One smut a day keeps the doctor away!”

Cue — the embarrassing tears were incoming. 

With grave disappointment, she shook her head in my direction and then trudged away. Squeezing my eyes shut, I banged my head on the steering wheel.

That horoscope was bullshit.